Excerpt From Chapter 3
The Pageant: Are You Trying to Marry Off Your Daughter or Win the Academy Award for Bad Taste

Although La White is but a fond memory, Delta brides still enjoy nonpareil shopping opportunities (this is the last mot francais – we promise). It should come as no surprise that one of the country’s largest vendors of (small, we hope) wedding dresses is nearby in Brinkley, Arkansas. It is Low’s Bridal and Formal Shoppe, owned by Dorcas Prince, whose mother founded the enterprise by selling a few wedding dresses in her husband’s pharmacy. A girl can bring her grandmother’s Belgian lace veil, and Dorcas will find a dress that goes with it. Dorcas has also matched turquoise cowboy boots for a less traditional ensemble. Mrs. Prince says the shop has flourished “by the grace of God and a fluke of nature,” which is probably just the way Fifth Avenue merchants talk. A historical note: In the 1920s and 30s a “Doctor” Brinkley attained national fame through his experiments with goat glands. He dreamed of Viagra before its time, or, as a radio ditty put it, the goat glands were supposed to “make a man the ram what am with every lamb.” Many believe that Brinkley was named in honor of the doctor, and that Dorcas’s ancestral pharmacy was associated with the experiments. We regret to report that neither of these rumors is true, though the great state of Arkansas did give good doc something all other states denied him: a medical license.

At any rate, Low’s has since moved from the humble pharmacy into an elegantly refurbished old railroad hotel with chandeliers and a selection of gowns that get more expensive as you go to the next floor. Budget-conscious brides should stay away from the stairs! According to Southern Living magazine, there are more weeding gowns at Low’s than there are citizens of Brinkley (population: 4,000). You can easily drive to Brinkley from Greenville, but real big shots love flying in big shot style – never mind that the metropolitan aeronautical facility is for crop dusters. “I flew in like Barney Fife,” said rattled shopper from Atlanta. But she did get to ride into town in Brinkley’s elegant “courtesy car.” It is a former po-lice vehicle, and it takes you directly to Low’s, there not being a whole heck of a lot of other major attractions in Brinkley.